Part 4

     After Joseph Harding's death, it was decided that he would be buried in the small, community cemetery near the church in Concord—not in Boston.  It was a small yet heartfelt arrangement, taking place on an overcast afternoon.
     Nan tightly clutched the handkerchief in her hand, once again fighting off tears.
     Tossing the small bouquet she turned away, not able to bear the fact that he was truly gone—truly gone and never returning.  It was no longer just "gone on business."  She'd never see him again.
     Biting her lip, she tried desperately to keep herself from breaking into pieces.  The very thought of never seeing him again tore painfully at her heart.
     "I'm so sorry Nan," Nat whispered quietly, knowing the extent of her sorrow, having been there already himself.  Giving her hand an encouraging squeeze, he smiled slowly before moving along at someone's prodding.
     Nan swallowed, trying to force a convincing smile.  Laughing slightly, she sniffed and wiped away a few of the tears that dribbled down her cheeks.  "I'm sorry.  I guess I'm not very good at keeping up a front," she whispered.
     As he walked away, Nan's eyes clouded with sadness.  Thank you for bein' such a good friend to me, she murmured.  Thank you so much.

     Gazing mournfully at her father's flower adorned grave, Nan stood alone in the drizzling rain.
     "I'm miss you so much," she said quietly.  "So much already."  Falling to her knees, she blearily regarded the new marble headstone bearing his name.  "I love you so very much," she whispered, gently fingering the engraved words, "and I promise you; I'll never forget."  Tears streamed down her cheeks and down her quivering chin.
     "I love you."  She placed a kiss on a single white rose before placing it on his grave.  "Goodbye . . . "
     Jo and Nat stood by, both intently focused on the tender scene that was stretched out before them.  Placing a comforting arm around Nat's shoulders, Jo called out softly to Nan: "He was waiting for you."
     Nan looked up, her darkened blue eyes glistening with tears.  Nodding her head, she quietly responded, "Yes, I-I guess he was."

     "I hope I didn't wake you."  Jo poked her head out the back door, focusing her eyes on the swing near the other end of the porch.
     Nan stretched, yawning widely.  "No, you didn't," she shook her head.  Jo hadn't roused her from sleep, and she didn't want her think so.
     "Mind if I join you?" Jo queried, stepping out onto the porch.
     Nan shrugged.  "Sure, be my guest."  She scooted over and smiled slowly.
     "It better be all right because you have no choice," Jo teased, pulling her shawl tighter as she took a seat.  "Are you feeling any better?"  She looped an arm around Nan.
     Sighing tiredly, she rested her head on Jo's shoulder.  "I don't know.  Every time I'm about to fall asleep, I keep seeing his face and the tears just start pourin' again."
     Jo smiled softly and leaned her check against the top of Nan's head.  "I know.  It's hard—especially those first few months."  Her arm tightened.  Wanting to avoid the sorrowful ache that suddenly tugged at her heart, she changed the subject.  "Have you made any plans for Christmas?  You're always welcome to stay."
     "Yeah, actually I do," Nan replied.
     Jo's face fell a little.  She has a life of her own now, Jo.  She won't be staying here forever.  Mustering a smile, she responded, "Well, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas."
     "I'm leavin' for Maryland in three days, and stayin' just long enough to pack my things and say goodbye to a few people," Nan continued.
     "To pack your things and say goodbye?!" Jo asked incredulously, pushing away to face her.
     "Yep."
     "But what about Dr. Moore?  I thought you wanted to continue on working with him."  She arched her brows, having grown confused.
     "I did . . . but he's closin' his practice in Maryland in a few weeks and leavin' to be a doctor at a mission home in Indonesia."  Nan shifted to a more comfortable position before explaining any farther.  "He did ask me to go with him.  It sounds incredibly exciting, but Indonesia is a little farther away than I'm ready to go, at least for right now."
     Settling back into her previous position, Jo asked, "What will you do then?"
     "Move back to Concord," she answered simply.
     "What?!"  Jo's eyes snapped with surprise.  "You're moving back to Concord?!"
     "Uh-hmm.  I . . . I applied for the job at Dr. Pierce's office and he . . . sort of . . . excepted it.  I start on the fifteenth of December."
     "Nan, that's wonderful!" Jo enthused sincerely.  "But," her sentence faltered, "you're a doctor now.  You deserve your own practice."
     "And one day, I would like my own practice.  I don't plan on staying with Dr. Pierce for forever—just until I can find a position somewhere else . . . as position as a doctor.  Speakin' of forever, I-I was wonderin' . . . " she faltered, looking down at her hands.  "Could I possibly stay here?  I mean, just until I can find a place of my own."
     "Of course you can!"  Jo hugged her close.  "We've missed you so much.  It will be so good to have you back."  A broad smile crossed her lips and she chuckled.
     "What? What are you laughin' at?" Nan interrogated suspiciously.
     "Oh, nothing . . . " Jo assured her innocently, looking out at the moon-bathed paddock where Penny stood grazing.
     "Mrs. Jo, I don't believe you.  I know that look on your face.  What are you laughin' at?" Nan demanded again, growing slightly impatient.  "Good grief, what is it?!"
     "Ooh, just that someone is going to be very pleased to hear what you just told me."  Jo's mouth curved into an evil grin and her brown eyes filled with mischief.
     Nan's eyes flew open with surprise. But she could only flush.

     "Just one more thin' 'fore we let ya go," Nick told Nan.  "Please don't change yer mind and not come back.  Jo'll drive us all crazy."  A look of sheer despair crossed his face as he 'pleaded' with her.
     Jo cleared her throat, and, with a sarcastic grin, elbowed him in the side.  She was not amused by his comment.
     "Don't worry," Nan shook her head.  "I won't change my mind.  With Dr. Moore leaving, there won't really be anythin' left for me, anyway."  She smiled and reached to give Nick a hug.
     "Well, there'll always be somethin' for ya here," he assured her.  Everyone nodded vigorously in agreement.
     Always . . . Nat murmured, waiting his turn to 'bid her farewell'.
     "Good bye Nan."  Bess wiped away her gushing tears and threw her arms around Nan.  "I'm going to miss you so much even though you'll only be gone for a few weeks.  It'll seem like months," she smiled, pulling back so Nan could breath.
     Asia then moved up and enveloped Nan into a warm hug.  "You hurry back now, ya hear?"  Her brown eyes twinkled.  "It's not the same without ya, Nan," she admitted, hugging her one last time.
     "Thank you," Nan mumbled, not trusting herself to say anymore.
     "We'll see you soon."  Jo embraced her tightly, closing her eyes to ward off the tears that were threatening to come.
     "Okay."  Nan bit her lip, trying to offer a wobbly smile.  Slowly, she eased from Jo's hold and stepped back to say goodbye to Nat.  "G-goodbye Nat," she said quietly, staring uncomfortably at the ground.
     Nat straightened and took a deep breath.  "G'bye Nan. Don't . . . don't forget to come back."  His lips curved into a somewhat mischievous smile, and she instantly knew that he was teasing.
     Her shoulders relaxed and Nan looked up, smiling easily for the first time in weeks.  "Goodbye."  Without thinking twice, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.
     At first, she caught him off guard, but he managed to recover and hug her back before she pulled away.  "G'bye."
     Stepping back, Nan gathered her bags and starting walking towards the train.  She tilted her head, trying to hide the tears that started pouring down her cold cheeks.  Stop actin' like a little ninny, Nan.  You've cried your tears and you're comin' back in less than three weeks.
     Despite her insistence on not crying, she couldn't deny the ache that remained in her heart; the dull ache of her father's death.  It remained—and would remain for years to come.
     Breaking the momentary bout of silence, lightning slashed across the sky with rumbling thunder soon following.  It was then that she noticed the dark, heavy clouds that were hanging low.  Obviously, rain threatened to spill at any chosen moment.
     As Nan reached the train and prepared to step up, something pulled her back—made her stop.  The wall around her heart suddenly crumbled and she dropped her bags, trembling weakly.  With a small cry, she turned and ran, not stopping until she reached Jo's warm, motherly embrace.
     "I love you so much, Mrs. Jo," Nan sobbed, choking for air.  She clung to Jo like a small child, shaking furiously.
     "I love you too, Nan."  She held Nan tightly, smiling through her own flow of tears.  "I love you too.  So very much."  Wiping her face, Jo pulled back and reached to brush away the tears that trailed down Nan's cheek.
     "You'd better go," she said after a minute.  "The train's liable to leave without you."  Squeezing Nan's hand tightly, Jo hugged her one last time before letting her go.
     "We'll be counting down the days!" she called, bringing a hand to cover her mouth.
     Nan passed off her luggage and mounted the train, waving as it slowly pulled out of the station.  "Goodbye!" she called back.
     As the group stood, watching as the train chugged down the tracks, Jo noticed the solemn look on Nat's face.  He stood alone, his eyebrows drawn and lips curved into a thoughtful frown.
     "You never really know how much you love someone or how much you'll miss them until they're gone," he said quietly, the scene of Nan's tender goodbye to her father playing through his mind.
     "You never do," Jo agreed, placing a hand on his shoulder.  "You never do."
     He was thinking of Nan and her father—yet, she knew the comment held more than one meaning.

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